I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is my gift to your gina
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
