how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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