Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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