apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
