So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
