Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize