get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
