my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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