new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
