My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
