i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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