when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
