Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize