its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize