I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
