I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
