Its about making memories worth repressing
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
