this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
