I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
