All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
