im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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