i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
