Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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