we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
