Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
