So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
