farters have to be the big spoon...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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