Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
