i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize