I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
