SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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