I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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