Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize