i barfeds in our rink
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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