Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
