The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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