I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
