I am spending my child support on dildos
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
