I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize