so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
