I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
