I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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