I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
wrigley field is MILF paradise
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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