I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I need moral support for this bender
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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