She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
