then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize