i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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