That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
