life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
