dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
