This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
