saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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