Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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