Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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