had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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