I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
