I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
