so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize