maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
