i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize