All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
