In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
