not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize