Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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