I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
