Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
