im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cut my penus on the lid.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize