The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
