Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
