I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
