how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
