Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
