If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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