covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize