I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
