He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
