May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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