the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize