I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
