she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
