very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
