two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
