I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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