Plan B is the new Plan A
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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