apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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