i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
