it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I forget how to act sober
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