Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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