bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
