she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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