I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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