i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
