Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
