Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
