Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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