Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
