Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize