I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
