if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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