Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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