I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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