Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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