Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Pants 0. Shit 1.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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