I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
